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Absurdities of the Bible

Bible absurdities Absurdity means "nonsense, irrationality, incongruity, meaninglessness, and illogicalness" among other things (Collins). - There is a problem with irrational, illogical items of belief in that they can be very, very hard to catch by rational logic and common sense. It is so because irrational ties are on their own "wavelengths of mind", so to speak, or areas.

If you cannot reach such idea pockets or idea lagunas, how can you effect them for better? It could be you have to appear silly enough. Otherwise bible nonsense serves well to chain down two million millions today.

The idea that nonsense is what really binds savage id, is indicated in a Norse tale about the big, bad wolf, the biggest and worst of them all - presumably a token of human id too:

With the Giantess Angerboda in Jotunheim [Loki] had three children: Fenrir, Jormungand, and Hel. Fenrir was a ravening wolf, known also as the Fenris wolf . . . Jormungand they hurled into the deep sea of the universe, where he grew and waxed so great as to be able to encompass the earth and to bite his own tail. Therefore he is commonly called the Midgard serpent . . .

The wolf . . . was so ferocious that none but Tyr dared to bring him food. When the gods saw that he was growing altogether too rapidly, they became much alarmed and undertook to bind him fast. They declared that they desired, just in sport, to try his strength by testing his ability to break a chain which they had provided for the purpose. The wolf, falling in with their wishes, consented to be bound but at once burst his fetters. He did likewise with a second chain, twice as strong as the first. Then the All-Father [Odin] sent Skirnir on an errand to certain dwarfs living in the home of the dark elves, to have them forge a chain that the wolf should not be able to break asunder. The dwarfs accordingly made a chain from the sound of a cat's footfall, the beard of a woman, the roots of a mountain, the sinews of a bear, the breath of fishes, and the spittle of birds; this is the reason why the footfall of the cat no longer has any sound, why women have no beards, why mountains have no roots, and so on. The chain, called Gleipnir, was fine and soft as silk.

The Æsir [gods] led the wolf out upon the island of Lyngvi in the lake named Amsvartnir and there asked him if he would submit to being bound with Gleipnir. The wolf, suspecting some trick, gave his consent only on the condition that one of them would place a hand in his mouth as an earnest of his release if the chain should remain unbroken.

The Æsir, unwilling to take such a risk, looked doubtfully at one another; finally Tyr stepped forward and laid his hand in the wolf's muzzle. The wolf was then bound. The more he struggled to free himself, the tighter held the chain; by no means was he able to break it and, since the Æsir had no thought of letting him go, he bit off Tyr's hand.

The Æsir drew the end of the chain through a great slab of rock, thrust it deep into the ground, and laid a huge boulder over it. The wolf, mad with rage, snapped and bit at everything round about; but they thrust a sword into his mouth so that his jaws gaped wide. He howls dismally, and slaver runs from him like a river. [Munch 1926, 21-23]

To repeat: Nonsense can bind. Many who keep up old nonsense and regard it highly, may snigger at rational thinking too, so it may be oddly hard to get rid of it to the degree it is not relatable to sound reason. So, very many are held down by lots of irrational faith.

The next three sections are rooted in Absurdities of the Bible by a lawyer, Clarence Darrow (1857-1938).

Unreasonable Belief: Superstitious, Crank or Religious-Duped from It?

Learn to think for yourself. Others may not do it very well on your behalf.

The bible is made up of 66 books from a period of about 1,000 years. There are many gross errors and inconsistencies in it. It could serve you well to know of the most vital ones. For to be taken in by Big Boss talk may not serve you well in the long run and may actually hamper and endanger or harm your life and progress and also "help" you to miss good opportunities.

Human reason, on the other hand, is not as bad as unreasonable and inconsistent faith marching ahead. Human reason, weak and faltering as it may be at times, could relate to the best in many persons. It is needed to run and ride a bicycle too.

If there is anything outside of your Self in the universe, maybe you will not know of it and consider it either. Your inner Self might grow and develop in time: hope there is that possibility, though. Maybe the best thing to do on earth is to learn how to do just that, and not be taken in by others.

Cheated persons can become servants of unreasonable others. Religious beliefs that cramp and partly enslave others, show how well inconsistent faith works for tyrants and their ilk. To be unreasoning and unreasonably religious is to be bossed over by others. To be superstitions is about the same. Where did you get your religion? And what in yourself makes you stick to it? Could it be masked fear of punishment, perhaps?

Ask yourself the sooner the better: "Those who gain by religion are served by it - who are those who seek to be served by my conform faith, if any?" To study it better, see where the money goes, and the prestige, who are they who benefit by your herdlike behaviour here on earth.

But what religion? A few main subjects of the Jewish religion and Christianity are considered below.

Fact or Fiction?

That someone took one of Adam's ribs and made it into a woman, is that a fact?

Adam and Eve were put in a garden, where a snake was cursed to go on his belly after that. How he went before, the story does not tell.

Joshua said to the Sun, "Stand Still." Is it true it did? Those who believe it, have a problem of explaining it well. To spell it out: the whole earth had to stop spinning for a while, in case. If the earth had stopped spinning, and then was "jerked" into spinning again, how much damage would have be done? One tentative answere is that everyone and everything (bodies of water, trees, etc...) on earth would go "flying" to the east at about 700-1000 miles per hour (that is, up to 1609,344 km/h) depending on how close to the equator they would be, assuming it was an abrupt stop. The words "a horrible disaster" may be insufficient for describing such a scenario. But after all, there is no record of such a horrible disaster at the time, no break in ancient Egyptican records then, as far as I know, and maybe there would have been no one left to tell bogus tales afterwards either.

A point: The more notorious a wrong view is, the more faithful the believer in it is, for the more goof faith is called for - and such deep binding could serve to keep enslaved various higher parts of the mind. Throughout history, scientific progressor rational thinking has often had to battle pig-headed faith, and scientific endeavours have had their martyrs.

Are Quack Righteous Ones above Us?

What evidence do we have that Jesus was born of a virgin if he had older brothers and sisters?

Jesus was born in a manger according to the story. Then came wise men were led by a star. Can you, in your right mind, imagine a star standing over any house? Can you imagine a star standing over the earth even? If a star came anywhere near the earth, it would at once disarrange the whole solar system and burn up everything on the surface of the earth in a thrice, if not melt everything. Consider it.

Once Jesus allowed demons to enter hogs that jumped into a lake and drowned, despite that pigs ordinarily easily float and swim well. Consider the abuse of another person's property (pigs) here too. The works of a plundering bandit would have amounted to just the same for the owner of the pigs.

There is not a single word in the Sermon on the Mount that is not contained in what is called the Sacred Book of the Jews, long before He lived - not a single thing, says Clarence Darrow, who says that Jesus often said what he had heard of for years in a tradition.

Many good people have managed to be spiritual over and above being religious: It does not depend on the Bible or Jesus or the sacrifice-founding, scapegoating tyrant he calls "righteous Father".


Other Stuff

Did the Holy Spirit remind all followers of the missing words of Jesus?

Finding gold in the sawdust

To find a bracelet of gold in the sawdust on the floor is not so bad, for it can be cleaned with ease, and there is no bad smell after that. It is different with bible sayings of value. They are among material that is not so easy to wash away, and as for smell, cheats and untruth and broken promises make some want to throw up.

Here and there the Bible gives pretty, sound counsel. But to get to it and sort the husk from the wheat is hardly doable for the conform. It should be better to stay out of Bible phrases altogether. One reason is that the Bible is not needed for healthy guys [Mark 2:17; cf. Matthew 9:12-13]. However, some traditions are more wicked than the materialistic Christian main tradition of comfort, so not just any alternative will do.

Hence, cater to your health; study better tidings than a demagogy-infiltrated, rather murky work brings. When Titus says "Let good deeds serve this: providing for daily necessities and not living unproductive lives [Titus 3:14; cf. 3:9-11]" it may work twice as well to take into account similar and just as good statements in quality books, for reasons such as these.

Crooked and Strange Tidings

Not Jesus but holistic health is your greatest need

Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners." [Mark 2:17, cf. Matt 9:12-13]. He called Paul, who taught, "Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons . . . This testimony is true . . . To the pure, all things are pure [Titus 1:12, 13, 15].

Paul says here that pure liars are pure - and presumably he had not met and all Cretans either. Recognise morbid prejudice when you see it.

Mass murderer teaches blamelessness

If you have not learnt to drop the Bible because of its pestering garbage already, here are more helping hands on the way:

"An elder [a somewhat technical term] must be blameless, the husband of but one wife [Titus 1:6-7]."

Paul was a former mass murderer of Christians. How blameless is that?

Boss despised, followers not?

"Do not let anyone despise you," says Paul somewhere - but the chosen people spat on Jesus and did not treat Paul so very reverently either. Observe the difference (gap) between what is being taught and what was enacted [Titus 2:15].

Don't count on getting the best of this.

Words of Subjugation

"Teach slaves to be subject to their masters in everything, to try to please them, not to talk back to them, and not to steal from them, but to show that they can be fully trusted," is the message in Titus 2:9. But you could end up in jail if you live out Titus 2:9 in most countries of the world today. Think better, and discard the nasty slavery the Bible's God has regulated in his Law of bygone times [cf. Genesis 23 ff.]

"Train the younger women to love their husbands and children," writes Paul further. There is a chance that stupid breaking-in and training will not help, however. It may sooner produce detrimental results, at first deep down.

The apostle Paul also taught obedience to the authorities, no matter what, claiming that such as tyrants were in power because God was behind them. In Romans 13:1-5 the message is, loud and clear: "Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgement on themselves. For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong . . . For he is God's servant to do you good . . . He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities [Rom 13:1-5]

Doing the right thing is not reached by refining and redefining wrong statements by preposterous authority icons.

Awkward subjugation - count the cost on future living

The authorities "of God" had Jesus killed, Peter imprisoned and Paul executed. However, Peter found a way: that of breaking out of jail by the help of an angel, it says. [Titus 3:1]. And Jesus and his parents fled the country on one occasion. So there you have it: Christianity teaches one thing and its main characters do otherwise. It is extremely important to weigh the evidence, and perhaps deeds speak louder that words too in this case. It is not wise to be a slave to words, untrue Bible statements, as in this case. Not all authorities are of God. Not all are just and fit, either. Have no doubt about that.

Observe that Paul teaches Christian subjugation without reserve at all, subjugation to all sorts of rulers, including dictators and tyrants - although Jesus defied the authorities, his parents fled with him from them due to dream warnings, and Paul was killed by them - Peter too, finally. What were they all guilty of?

Foolish drivel should not be allowed to infiltrate childrens' id and tender minds in the name of Bully or another.


Nonsense Thickets

Do not drown free enough thinking to "save" Jewish hegemonies or fiendish master dynasties. In closed cirles where they say canonical nonsense (bullshit) is good, they may kill the bearing of good fruits. In the long run it could make some victims idealizing neurotics.

However, near the other end of the scale there are cultures cemented by cultural, decent, lovable tales or myths. Some are about just retributions, which is different from the overarching scapegoating of Judaism and Christianity.

It shows up, very interestingly, that many fancied tales has helped and bulwarked culture; not only in the west but also in the east and north and south too. It is held today, in Waldorf Education and by Albert Einstein, for example, that decent fairy tales help rational, cogent thinking as time goes by. Gentle imaginations from suitable tales pave the way for later accomplishments in the intellectual life and the culture. With Bible slaves it will be different. Or perhaps undue pressures and strains cause neurotic bonds too.

"Father of many nations": Hearsay over and over is a religion

Abram and his half-sister Sarai had sex - called adultery

Is a message unclear? An anxiety sect may be born from it.

Abram (Abraham) married his half-sister Sarai (Sara). Their adulterous inbreeding happened before the Law came into being to govern their remote descendants. That Law demands that similar adulterors be cut off from their people, which amounted to a death sentence in the ancient world [Lev 20:17].

That adulterer Abraham entered heaven, says Jesus, and also got a son by an Egyptian slave woman. She was not his sister. However, it could be the Bible bluffs that he offspring of sister fornication yielded the better son, which may be a typical example of Jewish partiality - or is Jesus wrong in "Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all [Mark 10:43-44]."?

Inconsistency that smells of a false sense of superiority is found. Do not be victimised by narciscistic propaganda.

Was slave-sex the best sex, after all?

In his old age Abraham was so infirm that he listened to his nagging, envious or belittled wife and half-sister Sara and sent away his first-born son into the wilderness. The remaining son took part in making a proper line of ancestry fall apart: At the time he was nearly blind, but dumb as well - he mistook a goat skin for the hairy hand of his first son. As a result the father-blessing was transmitted to a swindler, Jacob, who got sons who broke into his harem and got to his concubines later.

The whole people of Israel were slaves in Egypt for centuries, and still superior to Ishmael's mom, who was the Egyptian slave of Sara for a considerably lesser time. Feel free to turn the tables on behalf of Ishmael: "To be a son of an Egyptian woman is ten times better than being the son of sister-adultery or a gang of wicked brothers, or what?"

"The concubines of your father, leave them alone," is perhaps the message.

Some forefathers

Yes, the bluffer Jacob got those wicked children - the bad seed that entered his harem and humiliated their old father by having sex with his concubines, and also tried to kill their half-brother Joseph and maybe one more brother. They did not honour their father very consistently. These sons were later to become forefathers of many Egyptian slaves for hundreds of years, the Bible says. Here it may suffice to say that it is not splendid and fair to talk down on Ishmael and not all of the Jews by "slaves not good enough".

People who find out that their forefathers were worthy of being hung up in the nearest gallows, and their gods too, must go for improving themselves.

Ill-gotten gains, are they worth defending by narcissistic demagoguery and so on? Some think so. Do not care about them.

Ishmael the first-born

Inspect the river of hearsay before you cross it by boat. That makes living easier than drowning for lack of circumspect care in the first place [cf. Ap 512]

Could it be that it was Abraham's first-born son Ishmael that got the blessing of worth, after all? The Old Testament tells he became the "father of many nations" that God never wanted to wipe out.

It was different with ten out of twelve trives of his people. The Bible tells that God informs, in Amos and Hosea, that he had killed them all. If Jesus referred to them in his words about coming for the lost sheep of Israel [Matthew 10:5-8; 15:24], his mission could not be a success no matter what.

OT "I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel." [Hosea 1:4] "I will crush you". [Amos 2:13] "Fallen is Virgin Israel, never to rise again". [Amos 5:2].

"You are destroyed, O Israel, because you are against me, against your helper. (. . .) In my anger I gave you a king". [Hosea 13:9,11]

The state of Israel uses Bible phrases and Hebrew writings to legitimate territorial claims - by religion. And the truth? Neither Abra(ha)m nor his descendants ever got the territory he was allegedly promised while deep asleep [!] 3000 years ago [Genesis 15:12-21]. An overlooked anti-miracle is that God never was up to keeping his alleged word - for 3000 years or so.

Phrases form religions.


A "bible truth" most often needs to be taken as merely a seeming truth, to be on the safe side. And it hardly pays to associate with liars and fools over and over. The follower of Jesus is promised the spirit of truth, to be led into all truth, but not even his apostles, his closest ones, got it, or all of it. This stands out from reading about the two different versions about how Judas died, and the four differing versions of the resurrection scene, and so on. If two or more stories about the same events are true, they tell the same story. Period. Say "Facts before Bible hearsay", here too.

A Look into Bible Covenants

"The Lord made a covenant with [soundly sleeping] Abram and said, "To your descendants I give this land, from the river of Egypt to the great river, the Euphrates - the land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites, Hittites, Perizzites, Rephaites, Amorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Jebusites. [Genesis 15:18-21]. – That was well over three thousand years ago, and it has not come to pass since. They have not got or taken all of it so far, after all these thousands of years.

A woman from a God-forbidden people, the Moabites, became an ancestor of David. The Moabites were bred by Abraham's relative Lot and daughers of Lot. They made him dead drunk and had sex with him - The Bible tells these daughters wanted to have children with dad. God's "no to Moabites" was no barrier that counted when the Moabite woman Ruth was welcomed in the camp and became one of the appreciated ancestors of David. David was born, took another man's wife by having her husband slaughtered - and got Solomon "who had wisdom" - but not more than that he made the whole dynasty fall asunder.

Beware of the soap opera. As for wisdom literature that is attributed to Solomon, the Bible Proverbs are compilations that owe much to Egyptian collections and others in countries around Israel, says the Encyclopedia Britannica. Take a look as you like.

Gullibly believing that every so-called big guy in the Bible was much to hail in every way, means being mistaken.


Bible lessons, bible absurdities, Literature  

Darrow, Clarence. Absurdities of the Bible, ed. E. Haldeman-Julius. Girard, KA: Haldeman-Julius Publications, Little Blue Book No. 1637, nd.

Munch, Peter Andreas Norse Mythology: Legends of Gods and Heroes. Rev. Magnus Olsen, tr. Sigurd Bernhard Hustvedt. New York: The American-Scandinavian Foundation, 1926. On-line.

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