Jolly Good Self-Esteem
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By proper self-esteem you seem to adjust properly and naturally. To understand self-esteem, think of a flower and how it fits into the scheme of things. For example, various short-term emotional benefits of pursuing flowers of self-esteem may in time be outweighed by long-term costs of keeping alive and healthy, and may foster good fruits if the flowers are not infested, wither, and so on. (Crocker and Park).
Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It includes a feeling of self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect, self-regard, self-integrity, solid pride in yourself, favourable independence and self-reliance. It is related to personal purpose in life, and includes several ways you feel about yourself and your abilities too.
Try and educate yourself softly on what self-esteem really is - sets of attitudes, emotions. Implicit self-esteem refers to a quite stable, constant disposition to evaluate oneself in some set manner that may get quite unconscious or ingrained, and quite independent of particular conditions. Explicit self-esteem, on the other hand, entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation.
What is of value is proper self-esteem well guarded. By folish self-esteem one overrates oneself and seldom the difficulties and complexities of living. Also, you can have too much low-leveled self-esteem and too little self-esteem that serves higher ends. Abraham Maslow describes two different forms of esteem needs: the need for respect, status and acceptance from others in ones' social group and the need for self-respect, or inner self-esteem.
Recent research indicates that bullies act the way that they do because they suffer from unearned high self-esteem and superiority-complexes a la Hitler and his men. Further, excessive self-esteem could be part of hubris, and follow humiliations as a compensation.
People differ in their bases of self-esteem, say Jennifer Crocker and Connie Wolfe, presenting their model of the complicated issue. (2001). Beliefs of what is of worth take part in forming self-esteem. Crocker also claims that people do not seek "self-esteem", but basic human needs. Low self-esteem tends to breed feelings of inadequacy and inadequate performances in the social field. At any rate, healthy self-esteem, does not serve narcissism, but preferably fit self-expression.
Self-Esteem and the Child
As each child passes through long years of dependency and underling roles, it is a task for the child to preserve the self-esteem that was natural to it from birth. Not all tackle their parents, siblings, peers and older, bullying children, and narcisstis around, for example.
You have an inner Child (TA-term) to take care of, no matter how many children you get, and if you have none (yet). The better you get, the better your children may become - within limits. "If the child is misbehaving, treat the mother," is a deep and founding acupuncture principle that relates to controls.
Children with positive self-esteem are more secure and loving. Yet there are limits to many things, and inherent capicities to consider and adjust to also. As a parent or a teacher, you have the greatest influence over the self-esteem of your child till teachers and friends become important to them too. And you have a right to protect your dear ones well as they need it, and to fight for them too, at least in some ways. Hearts know.
Try to let actions follow suit with your genuine wishes. For example, exercise because you genuinely want to get fit and stay well and so on. Hobbies may help. And if money is an issue, seek for higher values along.
Things You Can Try Out to Boost Your Inner Sense of Worth - such Self-Esteem
Here are some things you can do to possibly build your child's self-esteem when you mean a lot to them. And behind some counsel lies "Example may speak louder that words." So be an example of what you teach, and don't neglect your own Child: go for savoury conditions for It too along with your dear ones you co-channeled into this world, and conform to the basics, such as:
You now have an overview of decent ways you can try out to boost a strong, healthy self-esteem in your child. But an overview does not go into how to - that crucial matter. "Hows" relate to methods or fixed ways. As you go on, maybe you find the need to improvise too. That could be great.
Also note that each of the numbered groups of points above takes us into: Who, what, where, how, why, when - and who actually benefits?. Seek to benefit your Child, children, and near ones by decent and jolly good "hows", first and foremost, and adjust accordingly. Some ways may be trained. Assertiveness, for example, rests on skills, and skills may be trained. There are books written about it, and recipes for going about these things. Instead of seeking to prove your inherent value, discover it - build from within and outwards, then.
You can learn to ask for what you want first, and learn to say no to demands of others when you find it best. Next set practical goals so as not to get outsmarted. By goals you go into exercises design to improve habits and other behaviour patters, but the best control comes from within. (McKay and Fanning)
There is much you can do to usher in proper self-esteem in yourself and your dear children. Find and stick to the ways that work in your case and that of your child.
Tips: How to Increase Self-Esteem that Matters
Uplift yourself by positive thinking. Also, be yourself as an original; don't feign a lot.
Trust yourself dearly, and your instincts.
Assert yourself fitly and suavely without feeling guilty.
Reward yourself too. Emotionally support yourself.
Learn from your dominant failures.
Don't get wishful and assume too much; get oriented instead. And deal with issues promptly.
Develop new and appropriate skills that seem well worth going for, as a challenge.
You can say to yourself: "I begin . . . (something)," each night at bed-time. And you can stay as classy as you can and remain on the safe side too.
Maintain sound balance. What others think and experience matters too.
Pride to Be
There are many books aimed at helping all with (too) low self-esteem. Such books specify ideas on how to raise or boost self-esteem; overcome low self-esteem; coping with low self-esteem or breaking the chain of low self-esteem; on the said pillars or self-esteem; on steps to self-esteem, on helping children to build self-esteem and on raising happy, confident children; on the value of sticking up for yourself; and on having confidence to be yourself.
Here are two among several dozens self-help books in this alley and an alley close by: the second book goes into knowledge of social skills, since skills and aplomb can breed self-esteem - it works for some. And it's easier to have self-esteem if you are secure. Maybe Pride to Be is helped by many books also.
Branch, Rhena, and Rob Willson. Boosting Self-Esteem For Dummies. Chichester, West Sussex: John Wiley, 2009.
Jenner, Paul. Teach Yourself Confidence and Social Skills. London: Teach Yourself / Hodder, 2009.
Many points above take off from:
Crooker, Jennifer, and Lora E. Park. "The costly pursuit of self-esteem". In Psychol Bulletin, 2004 May; 130 (3): 392-414.
Crooker, Jennifer and Connie Wolfe. "Contingencies of self-worth." In Psychological Review, 108, 593-623.
McKay, Matthew, and Patrick Fanning. Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. 3rd ed. Paperback. New Harbinger Publications, 2000. There are many other books on self-esteem and self-assertiveness. You may want to try an Amazon.com search for these words and explore the comments to the promising ones.
Yarnell, Thomas D. Building Your Child's Self-Esteem: 16 Techniques for Parents and Teachers. 2003 -2008. On-line.
Wikipedia, sv. "Self-Esteem"
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