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Natural self-esteem is like a flower; it stems from basic drives for unfoldment.


Fit Self-Esteem

By proper self-esteem you seem to adjust properly and naturally. To understand self-esteem, think of a flower and how it fits into the scheme of things. For example, various short-term emotional benefits of pursuing flowers of self-esteem may in time be outweighed by long-term costs of keeping alive and healthy, and may foster good fruits if the flowers are not infested, wither, and so on. (Crocker and Park).

Self-esteem refers to how you feel about yourself. It includes a feeling of self-worth, self-confidence, self-respect, self-regard, self-integrity, solid pride in yourself, favourable independence and self-reliance. It is related to personal purpose in life, and includes several ways you feel about yourself and your abilities too.

Try and educate yourself softly on what self-esteem really is - sets of attitudes, emotions. Implicit self-esteem refers to a quite stable, constant disposition to evaluate oneself in some set manner that may get quite unconscious or ingrained, and quite independent of particular conditions. Explicit self-esteem, on the other hand, entails more conscious and reflective self-evaluation.

What is of value is proper self-esteem well guarded. By folish self-esteem one overrates oneself and seldom the difficulties and complexities of living. Also, you can have too much low-leveled self-esteem and too little self-esteem that serves higher ends. Abraham Maslow describes two different forms of esteem needs: the need for respect, status and acceptance from others in ones' social group and the need for self-respect, or inner self-esteem.

Recent research indicates that bullies act the way that they do because they suffer from unearned high self-esteem and superiority-complexes a la Hitler and his men. Further, excessive self-esteem could be part of hubris, and follow humiliations as a compensation.

People differ in their bases of self-esteem, say Jennifer Crocker and Connie Wolfe, presenting their model of the complicated issue. (2001). Beliefs of what is of worth take part in forming self-esteem. Crocker also claims that people do not seek "self-esteem", but basic human needs. Low self-esteem tends to breed feelings of inadequacy and inadequate performances in the social field. At any rate, healthy self-esteem, does not serve narcissism, but preferably fit self-expression.

Self-Esteem and the Child

As each child passes through long years of dependency and underling roles, it is a task for the child to preserve the self-esteem that was natural to it from birth. Not all tackle their parents, siblings, peers and older, bullying children, and narcisstis around, for example.

You have an inner Child (TA-term) to take care of, no matter how many children you get, and if you have none (yet). The better you get, the better your children may become - within limits. "If the child is misbehaving, treat the mother," is a deep and founding acupuncture principle that relates to controls.

Children with positive self-esteem are more secure and loving. Yet there are limits to many things, and inherent capicities to consider and adjust to also. As a parent or a teacher, you have the greatest influence over the self-esteem of your child till teachers and friends become important to them too. And you have a right to protect your dear ones well as they need it, and to fight for them too, at least in some ways. Hearts know.

Try to let actions follow suit with your genuine wishes. For example, exercise because you genuinely want to get fit and stay well and so on. Hobbies may help. And if money is an issue, seek for higher values along.

Things You Can Try Out to Boost Your Inner Sense of Worth - such Self-Esteem

Here are some things you can do to possibly build your child's self-esteem when you mean a lot to them. And behind some counsel lies "Example may speak louder that words." So be an example of what you teach, and don't neglect your own Child: go for savoury conditions for It too along with your dear ones you co-channeled into this world, and conform to the basics, such as:

  1. Have a heart and refrain from feigning - bluff less. Be a good role model by building your own self-esteem. The more positive the parents self-esteem, the more positive the child's can be.

  2. Don't get outsmarted, and stick to what is relevant throughout.

  3. Don't debase yourself.

  4. Seek to make accurate self-assessments. Much depends on fairness and realism here - on being solid that way. Have some compassion too, both for yourself and others. Be - train yourself in Transcendental Meditation for relaxing into good states of being. By relaxing and deepening your sense of being, you get a foundation that enables you to let go of mistakes and twisted notions, bad and deep-going convictions from childhood, and haunting faults.

  5. Let your evaluations be valuable, realistic and honest, and focus tidily on the positive aspects of behaviour when you can.

  6. Learn to communicate dearly and yet clearly enough with your child. Listen with dignity to how your child feels, diligently. A different interpretation than hers of happenings, what is good, and of various people may fit. Accept that whatever feelings are there, are there, and don't deny or ridicule them - ever. If you listen with some measure of understanding, you may come up with suggestions for appropriate behaviours that could have positive consequences all in all.

  7. Keep criticism low, toned down, and to a minimum. And praise what you can, as it is much needed when criticised.

  8. Show your child how to control their feelings. Explain things and happenings rationally to help her gain some measure of relevant and at least mental control of things as time goes by.

  9. Appropriate projects that are adjusted to your inner child's level of development, build self-confidence and self-esteem and foster control in life. Allow your child to experience successes this way.

  10. Positive thoughts depend much on replacing other thoughts with better and yet realistic thoughts. For example, treat a problem as a challenge to gain further success from, refuse to be downcast, stay tidy and realistic, and so on. Stick to what is essential, and don't let what is natural suffer.

  11. You want your child to feel happy, confident, calm, peaceful, smart, hard-working, cooperative, and the like? Then show her the ways to, by basic how-to's, and follow through with your child somehow.

  12. Many will discover that they need to take their own advice. Only give as much help as is needed. Help the child to do good, sound, and helpful mental and emotional exploring.

You now have an overview of decent ways you can try out to boost a strong, healthy self-esteem in your child. But an overview does not go into how to - that crucial matter. "Hows" relate to methods or fixed ways. As you go on, maybe you find the need to improvise too. That could be great.

Also note that each of the numbered groups of points above takes us into: Who, what, where, how, why, when - and who actually benefits?. Seek to benefit your Child, children, and near ones by decent and jolly good "hows", first and foremost, and adjust accordingly. Some ways may be trained. Assertiveness, for example, rests on skills, and skills may be trained. There are books written about it, and recipes for going about these things. Instead of seeking to prove your inherent value, discover it - build from within and outwards, then.

You can learn to ask for what you want first, and learn to say no to demands of others when you find it best. Next set practical goals so as not to get outsmarted. By goals you go into exercises design to improve habits and other behaviour patters, but the best control comes from within. (McKay and Fanning)

There is much you can do to usher in proper self-esteem in yourself and your dear children. Find and stick to the ways that work in your case and that of your child.

Tips: How to Increase Self-Esteem that Matters

Uplift yourself by positive thinking. Also, be yourself as an original; don't feign a lot.

Trust yourself dearly, and your instincts.

Assert yourself fitly and suavely without feeling guilty.

Reward yourself too. Emotionally support yourself.

Learn from your dominant failures.

Don't get wishful and assume too much; get oriented instead. And deal with issues promptly.

Develop new and appropriate skills that seem well worth going for, as a challenge.

You can say to yourself: "I begin . . . (something)," each night at bed-time. And you can stay as classy as you can and remain on the safe side too.

Maintain sound balance. What others think and experience matters too.

Pride to Be

There are many books aimed at helping all with (too) low self-esteem. Such books specify ideas on how to raise or boost self-esteem; overcome low self-esteem; coping with low self-esteem or breaking the chain of low self-esteem; on the said pillars or self-esteem; on steps to self-esteem, on helping children to build self-esteem and on raising happy, confident children; on the value of sticking up for yourself; and on having confidence to be yourself.

Here are two among several dozens self-help books in this alley and an alley close by: the second book goes into knowledge of social skills, since skills and aplomb can breed self-esteem - it works for some. And it's easier to have self-esteem if you are secure. Maybe Pride to Be is helped by many books also.


Boost sound self-esteem, Literature  

Branch, Rhena, and Rob Willson. Boosting Self-Esteem For Dummies. Chichester, West Sussex: John Wiley, 2009.

Jenner, Paul. Teach Yourself Confidence and Social Skills. London: Teach Yourself / Hodder, 2009.


Many points above take off from:

Crooker, Jennifer, and Lora E. Park. "The costly pursuit of self-esteem". In Psychol Bulletin, 2004 May; 130 (3): 392-414.

Crooker, Jennifer and Connie Wolfe. "Contingencies of self-worth." In Psychological Review, 108, 593-623.

McKay, Matthew, and Patrick Fanning. Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. 3rd ed. Paperback. New Harbinger Publications, 2000. — There are many other books on self-esteem and self-assertiveness. You may want to try an search for these words and explore the comments to the promising ones.

Yarnell, Thomas D. Building Your Child's Self-Esteem: 16 Techniques for Parents and Teachers. 2003 -2008. On-line.

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