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Be a Partner

Spend quality time for success as mates and partners, and things could go better. Thus you may build "partnership reserves" and partnership success. There are many tips around. "Spend some quiet time together" is one of them. Here is Buddha advice from as far back as 2500 years ago.

We may find and apply items that suit us. If not, this rhyme might strike home:

Needles and pins,
Needles and pins,
When a man marries,
His trouble begins.

A part of the rhyme is also in a song by Jack Nitzsche and Sonny Bono, ◦Needles and Pins. Needles and pins may be taken to suggest marital difficulties and problems among other problems and troubles. The rhyme was first collected by James Orchard Halliwell and published in 1843.

"Oh, go and get married," said the man, he saw the cat playing (Proverb). A marriage partner from a nest of troubles may not be good for you for some reason or other.

If half of all marriages end in divorce, the odds for getting divorced later, are fifty-fifty. One may take it into account, for the sake of securing one's assets, for example. (Wikipedia, "Divorce demography")

Among those who remain married, many may not be happy and harmonious together either. It is often like that. Many with romantic notions connected to marriage, may be in for a bumpy ride.

Statistics can be very helpful when they show how many marriages flounder. Then you make out the odds you have yourself and see what to do to improve the odds of success with your mate and children, for example. Get to the figures for your country and find out how to bulwark better against such miseries while seeking to build for a good life. There are good remedies, including precautions, including attested prenuptials again.

Judged from all this, we could build sound reserves for health and partnership if we care, find a lovely mate to co-exist with, and are up to what it may take many a morning. It may take years of practice, a lot of practice.

Learn to "go meta" to improve your standing

Guru Dev's wise life counsels go into and beyond marriages.

You could probably do much worse than "going meta" before and during your partnership, in good time. Sound education is "going meta" also, on many subjects.

"Going meta" signifies that one reflects cooly or comments above the situations to round up something that could also be good for oneself. It is like finding some generalised norms or principles. It may also be looking at yourself and possibly yourself and your partner arguing - looking from above your head, so to speak. Attaining a higher perspective, maybe a better understanding, and find a way perhaps, fits a guy better than getting down and out. See what stress there comes with an average marriage - and there are worse marriages than that.

A good marriage counsellor has read books on counselling, also in clear language, and you are free to do such things too. If it does not help the marriage or partnership, at least you have got information of sterling worth. There is more to counselling that nodding at intervals, saying "Hm" or "I'm listening" and so on, seriously. (Hough 2014; Evans 2007; Milne 2009)

What Buddha says of true friends has transfer value to partners too. Besides, he stages roles for husband and wife and other relationships. [Link]

General directions need to be filled in by brilliant "how's" (Hough 2014; Feltham and Dryden 2006; Sutton and Stewart 2009; Taibbi 2009)

Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. [Larry Gelbart, M*A*S*H, "Bulletin Board,"]



To Be a Partner, Stay

LoNew ideas really happen

Being careful also includes being ourselves well.

We could profit from being careful not to say things that work against us.

We learn to become careful of our tendency to reflect other people's feelings, if it keeps us from being ourselves.

LoIt may be gross fun to remove culture, but the long-range consequences may be terrible

Seek to have ample fun together or alone within your main culture. Play can be for that among young animals and humans alike.

Our culturing of ourselves or our children may need to be much fun.

One is to remove injuries (to one's health) in order to go on. (4).

LoLearn from experience so as to make the best out if it

With bad religious, spiritual and cultural values we may be quite iconoclastic.

Good life can give us quite a bit, but we must learn to live within many limitations.

To adhere to many proper measures may be all right.

"He alone obtains liberation who with detachment frees himself," writes Ramana Maharsi. (6) ✪ 

Basically, true and real confidence shows up by our working best by ourselves, and taking deep, realistic responsibility as needs be. (7)


  1. New ideas come into play.
  2. Ample fun can build better futures to some. Play can work for good.
  3. Some learn from experience to make the best out of much.

IN NUCE Watch out for new ideas that are tinged with fun, and don't waste your time. Facebook and Google succeeded.


Partners, marriage partners, Literature  

Buzan, Tony, with Barry Buzan. The Mind Map Book. Rev. ed. London: BBC Books, 1995.

Buzan, Tony, and Barry Buzan. The Mind Map Book: Unlock Your Creativity, Boost Your Memory, Change Your Life. Harlow: BBC Active / Pearson, 2010.

Evans, Gail. Counselling Skills for Dummies. Chichester, West Sussex: John Wiley, 2007.

Feltham, Colin, and Windy Dryden. Brief Counselling: A Practical Integrative Approach. 2nd ed. Maidenhead, Berkshire: Open University Press, 2006.

Hough, Margaret. Counselling Skills and Theory. 4th ed. London: Hodder Education, 2014.

Milne, Aileen. Understand Counselling. London: Teach Yourself /Hodder Education, 2010.

Sutton, Jan, and William Stewart. Learning to Counsel: Develop the Skills, Insight and Knowledge to Counsel Others. 3rd ed. Oxford: How To Books, 2009.

Taibbi, Robert. Doing Couple Therapy: Craft and Creativity in Work with Intimate Partners. New York: The Guilford Press, 2009.

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© 2002–2018, Tormod Kinnes, MPhil [Email]